Friday, June 13, 2014

Of Conferences and Coalitions


          A Question From the Captain (Humorous Commentary)
          (source)

This was written in light of the The Gospel Coalition & Tullian Tchividjian fiasco...
Questions:
1.) Since when did we need a “Gospel Coalition” when churches were supposed to be doing the job? Disband. Shut down your Twitter. Go away.
2.) Why are international celebrity pastors of giant, jumbo, super, mega, giga churches in some far flung place the final word on things for Christians? What happened to Pastor Bob with a suit from Penney’s who drives a Dodge Caravan and loves his wife and kids? No “team”, no publicity shots, just Pastor Bob who cares and studies to prepare a good sermon on Sunday while praying for and serving his flock?
3.) Why in the name of common sense are these idiotic conferences being held every 2 weeks with the airbrushed Twittiots of the evangelical and Reformed world slobbering all over each other on stage? You look like pervs with your mutual pleasuring societies. Get a life. Get a job, guys. Nobody needs you and your latest book ghost written by some guy in his basement anyway. You can’t even protect kids in your churches from porno pervert pastors and you cover up for them for years when you do find out. You have NOTHING to say to me or my family. 
4.) Why are people ripping the hair from each others heads over doctrines like “sanctification”? LOLOL! “I’m going to stab you with my Five-Point pitchfork. You’ve been spreading the leaven of LUTHER around. You must die!” Way to go, guys. Meanwhile you’re helping cover up sex abuse for one of your cronies. What doctrine justifies that again?
It’s all wrong. We don’t need Gospel Coalitions, multi-million dollar churches and Studly pastors of Great Fame. I’m turning it off. Shutting you out. You no longer exist to me. As a point of interest, none of my kids wants anything to do with it all. You’ve made yourself irrelevant, boys, your little celebrity machine that exists to keep itself going. Cash those checks, line up that next conference, plot that next stunningly profound tweet. Real Christians are out weeding their gardens, loving their neighbors and speaking out for the voiceless like the Savior did. And now I have to go do something far more important than your silly coalitions and task forces do. Laundry.  –Anonymous Christian Lady

The hypocrisy of the sanctification arguments is that their celeb buddy-pastors are living lives NOT sanctified nor becoming of a pastor. Moreover they argue about issues as if they are optional theories, not inspired Truth to be obeyed. With all these countless conferences (I've also grow irritated at them all), what stands clear is that they turn teachers/pastors into celebrities and they  usurp the authority of the LOCAL church. I'm glad to see that others see it too.

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